After a while, you get tired of swatting the flies.

Sometime at the beginning of May, I changed my facebook status to "The Lean on Me moments are becoming more and more frequent." The declaration was a blind description to my increasing inappropriateness at my job. I was referring to an incident where I had to curse one of my student's out to get her to understand that we love her (as a school) and want to see her succeed.

It was the second time I had done it and both times I felt horrible. Anyone who knows me in a professional capacity, can vouch for the fact that I, at the very least, TRY to maintain my professionalism with every encounter. I felt that at the very moment I let out the "f" bomb, I lost the title of "professional social worker." I was embarrassed and told very few people. But...the truly ironic part of the story, though, is that IT WORKED. I mean, it actually worked. Though I cursed them both out, in both instances, my language communicated honesty, love and support. I realized that when I spoke as a "professional social worker," those students saw me as being fake and "white."(This is a whole 'nother blog entry on cultural differences as a Black woman social worker in DC from California. Just wait for it)


What if the rules (ethics), don't actually work when applied? What if they are counterproductive and that which is supposed to create a "boundary" actually end up creating walls too thick to penetrate? I'm not saying in every instance...but just saying.

The Social Work Code of Ethics has had me on pins and needles since my first semester of grad school. Social Work newbies become obsessed with the idea of ethical dilemmas. I mean, I totally get it...when you're learning, you don't want to mess up. Once you get coated in enough seasoning (i.e., late nights at hospitals, outbreaks of scabies, a few chairs being thrown at you) you're able to wade through the murkiness of what's right and what's wrong. In victim service work, particularly domestic violence and sexual assault, it's so easy to become emotionally involved in the lives of your clients. Because there's such a strong pull to help...save...protect, the boundaries have to be that much more rigid. Every movement is microscopically analyzed for hints of dual relationships, inappropriate language and conflicts of interest. Was that considered a gift she gave me? I can't accept gifts from a client, it taints the relationship. You need a ride to the store? I can't drive a client to the store, what if they hear the music I'm listening to. It was inappropriate of them to ask if I have a boyfriend. It was inappropriate of me to ask blah blah blah. 

Check out these three scenarios:

1. My host family is interested in hosting a church revival for the clients of Mary Open Doors. They would be willing to provide the space, cook the food and host the women. Well...the space where the event would take place, would be directly outside my room door. I was polite when I said "well, some of my clients would be there and they would all know where I live." 
2. In preparing a child victim for court one day, the CEO of MOD asked the little girl whether or not she goes to church and if she could pray when she gets on the stand to help her feel better. The little girl said she does go to church and she will pray.
3. I accepted a plant and a glass of lemonade from a client last week. Not a big deal, by any means. But after we left her home...she asked can she be dropped off somewhere past my house. My boss took me home first so now the client now knows where I live. I am not concerned at all, she's harmless. 

I just thought about these things in relation to me cursing the clients out. The idea of doing this work without following the script.
Social Work came out of people helping people...plain and simple. There were no masters degrees, licenses, code of ethics and the like. When people were hungry, social workers fed them. When people were homeless, social worker housed them. When people were abused and neglected, social workers labored to bring attention to it. We were borne from one of the greatest movements in history and were there for those who no one cared about. We weren't accepted as experts or authorities in a "field" per se, though. We were seen as charity workers....jack of all trades when it came to the poor and needy. We labored to establish ourselves as professionals with a certain skill set that others don't have. The profession was and is professionalized for a reason.

I have to wonder, though...in our effort to professionalize a profession that was created out of love, have we moved away from its intended purpose...to assist...to help. I know colleagues that cringe at having to acknowledge that they "love" a particular client because of its ethical implications. What is "appropriate behavior" if what client's respond to goes against what we've been taught? Now...I am not making an argument for cursing clients out or accepting gifts. Nor am I disregarding our codes that govern sexual relationships with clients (don't do it!). I am just acknowledging instances where relationships have been created, outcomes have been positive, no one is hurt in the process and rules of "appropriateness" have gone out the window.

If what people need and what really works goes against what we're told to do, would you do it?

Think about it.